The December Nostalgia

Ever since I started having an understanding of what goes on around me, I have known that the month of December every year is time for the annual family gathering. December 26-27 of each year has always been the time slotted for the Hari Kirtan organized in the memory of my late Great Grandfather. Baba started this on the passing away of his father (on December 27) and following the year after Babuji's passing away, this has been a regular fixture of what I know as my childhood.

When I was a kid and all of my cousins were yet to be impacted by the travails of a busy, nuclear, and urban life, we used to get together, if not at any other time during the year, at least once during the Hari Kirtan. The timing was just right for my uncles and aunts to take their annual leaves and visit their hometown. The normally lean period between Christmas and New Year with easily obtainable leaves from work and the winter vacations in schools was utilized to the hilt.

While the grown-ups alternated between organizing and attending the Hari Kirtan and catching up with the news in each others' lives, the kids used to have the room farthest from the Kirtan venue, all to themselves. This does not imply that we were not the religious type but we were just too young to understand what the "Hare Krishna Hare Krishna" signified. For us, it was just a big distraction from the fun and games we could participate in, now that there were more than a dozen of us together.

From the games of Antaakshari and Passing the Parcel, to impromptu jigs and song renditions, those were the days. We were part of a big joint family despite each of us having our own nuclear set-ups. Baba and Amma used to pride themselves on the way the household filled itself during the five-six days around that period, with each and every room, nook, and corner taken up by someone or the other, voices of merriment coming from everywhere. There were no hassles that anyone had with all of us willing (and even wanting) to sleep on the husk covered floor with blankets being shared in the most chilling of winters. Unlike today when the most hardened of us have gone soft, the communal spirit then used to take care of all discomforts, in an absolute and complete manner.

Once Amma passed away in 2007 and subsequently as Baba started losing interest in many things (including his work as an advocate from which he retired at the age of 85), things started to change. In fact, things were already a little different with most of my generation already out of colleges and making a living in some remote city or another. It was getting more and more difficult to see all of them every year but it was still some consolation since I could see most of them, even if once every alternate year. For me, going to Buxar in December was still a part of routine because Papa, Mummy, and Baba would be there irrespective of whether anyone else came in or not.

Baba's health went from good to bad to worse very rapidly this year, so much so that for more than 3-4 months, he was bedridden and had almost lost the will to live. He is better now and can sit up for stretches of an hour or so, and can even walk from one room to another. However, for the purposes of treatment and in order to be close to doctors and medical facilities, Baba was shifted to Banaras to Bade Papa's house about six months ago. Ever since the ill-health, Baba has lost whatever focus he had and the only thing he seems to continue to be excited about is my marriage, whenever it takes place. To expect him to also worry about the Hari Kirtan would be asking for too much.

Baba always wanted to keep doing this, at least for his life time. Since it was the memory of his father that he used to celebrate, he never wanted to give up. As I was speaking to Mummy last night, I was joking with her as to why she did not ask me to come to Buxar in December this year and was playfully teasing her about how she has forgotten me ever since Priya got married. She told me then that in all likelihood, there is not going to be anyone home this time for the Hari Kirtan which would probably not take place at all.

I always knew that the intensity of the occasion has been going down and with Baba being in Banaras, it would be hardly of any import this year, but I had never brought myself to realize that it was well and truly over. I could hardly reconcile to the fact that the transition from one generation to another had failed...as Mummy told me that there was no one willing to take over the responsibility of organizing such a big scale festival (apart from the Hari Kirtan, there is also a Bhandaara organized where a lot of guests from the village and the town are fed the choicest of delicacies).

I am confident that my generation, all my cousins look at the last week of December fondly and associate it with happy memories. It is all about galvanizing them into taking the onus of running with the tradition for at least some more time...not keeping the next generation away from forming their own experiences, making their own memories of our roots. There is hardly any time for it this year but even if it is the first New Year resolution that I make, I want to try my best to do something about it the next year and if Hari is with me, I am sure that His tales will be sung again in Buxar very soon.

Nitai Gaur Hari bol

Kayi dino se man me ek abhilasha hunkaare bhar rahi thi aur prabhu ki kripa se is warsh yah manokaamna bhi poorna ho gayi. Darasal, jab se main college me Pavan ke sampark me aaya aur usne mere naam ko lekar kaseede kasne shuru kiye, tabhi se meri iksha thi ki main apne naam ke bhawaarth ke antahkaran tak jaoon. Aur jaisa ki maine kaha, is warsh harikirtan me ye awasar bhi mil hi gaya. Chaubees ghante ka akhand kirtan sampann ho chuka tha aur bhandaare ke baad ki madhur aur tript bela (ya yun kahein ki tript udar) thi jab saara pariwaar gapp-sarhaake ke liye baitha aur bas phir kya hona tha...kaam aayi meri abhilasha aur usse bhi zyada kaam aaya biljli vibhaag, jisne ye thaan liya tha ki bijli dena uske dharm ke khilaaf hai aur is prakaar humein gapp ka bharpoor awasar dena uska param kartavya.

Jaise hi maine apne naam ke arth ki baat cherhi, kai awaazein ek saath aani shuru ho gayi...amma, chacha, chote papa, bua...jise dekho, apni hi dhuni ramaata sa prateet hota tha. Lekin jaldi hi main wo sab kuch sun chuka tha jo mujhe pehle se hi pata tha. Jab maine kuch aur andar jaakar thehre hue paani me hulchul paida karne ka prayaas kiya, tab jaakar asliyat saaamne aayi aur maine wo kahaani suni jisne na kewal meri jigyaasa ko shaant kiya balki mere mastishk me supt ek doosri jigyaasa ko janm diya...lekin main shayad path-bhramit ho raha hoon...sab kuch parantu kramwash.

Nimai bachpan se hi shararati the. Chutpan se hi unhone aisa koi bhi awasar nahi jaane diya jab unhone kisi sanyaasi, kisi sadhu ka apamaan athwa parihaas na kiya ho. Lekin jaise jaise unhein sachchai ka gyan hua aur prabhu ki leela unke jeevan me prakaash ban kar aayi, waise waise unhone aise kaam shuru kiye jinki wajah se aaj unhe Mahaprabhu ki sangya di jaati hai. Unhone kisi ko bhi shishya nahi banaaya lekin unke kai paarshad the jinhe gosaain ki sangya di gayi. In sabhi anuyaayiyon ne gauriya sampradaay ka srijan kiya aur krishna prem ke bhaaw ka prachaar prasaar kiya. In sab paarshadon me pramukh the chah gosaain: Roop, Sanatan, Bhat, Raghunath, Jeev aur Gopal...in logo ne Chaitanya Chaitawali ki rachna ki aur Bhagwan Sri Krishna ke prem ras me sabhi ko vibhor kiya. Mahaprabhu ne in chah gosaaion ko aagya di ki wo Bhagwan Sri Krishna ki leela ko punarjeevit karein. Yah inhi gosaaiyon ki mehnat ka nateeja hai ki jo Vrindavan kabhi jangal tha, aaj itna bada dhaarmik sthal hai jahaan jaate hi aisa lagta hai maano prabhu ki baal leela aur raas leela aankhon ke samaksh sajeev ho padi ho.

Nitai ek sanyaasi the jo ki dar dar prabhu gyan ke talaash me bhatakte the. Jabse inka sampark Mahaprabhu se hua, wo unke maadhyam se prabhu ke sameep pahuch gaye. Mahaprabhu ke sabse bade bhakton me unka naam liya jaata hai...yahaan tak ki kimvandati ye bhi hai ki Nitai aur Nimai bhai the (halaanki wo kewal Guru Bhai the). Isi prakaar kai baar ye bhi kaha jaata raha hai ki jis prakaar Mahaprabhu swayam Prabhu Sri Krishna ke awataar the, usi prakaar Nitai Dau Balraam ke roop the. Mahaprabhu swayam Nitai ko bahut maante the aur jaisa ki maana jaata hai, Prabhu ke sameep pahuchne ka sabse uttam maarg unke bhaktgan hi hain...tabhi to kaha jaata hai...Nitai bole, Gaur bol, Gura bole Hari bol.

Ye sach hai ki mera naam Nitai hote hue bhi aaj tak main in sab baaton se awagat nahi tha lekin sach ye bhi hai ki ye sabhi baatein kaafi anokhi lagi mujhe aur unhone mere man mastishk me kahi soye hue Nitai ko shayad jhakjhor sa diya. Agar main ek vaakya me us din ki kahaani ka mere upar jo asar hua uski vyaakhya karne ki cheshta karoon to shayad wohi kahoonga jaisa ki chote papa ne ant me kaha...yadyapi Prabhu har roop me ek hi hain, lekin Bhaktavatsal Prabhu Sri Krishna ke bhakt Gauriya Sampradaay ki bhakti me jo ras hai, wo shayad hi kisi aur sampradaay me milta ho.