Crossing the line

There is a very thin line between expressing concern and trying to establish authority and more often than not, one is interpreted as the other, not just by the recipient of this concern/authority but at times, also by the proponent of it. There are things that one doesn't like about a situation and is concerned about, especially if the situation invloves one's own self or some one/thing one is very attached to. However, while expressing this concern, it is seldom that we realize how close it comes to assertively sitting in judgment and actually wanting things to be done in a particular manner without arguments and deviations.

At times however, it is purely concern and experiences related to similar situations that guide such behavior of the proponent. Depending upon how sensitive the recipient is to the assertion of someone else's authority on his/her way of life, all of it may incorrectly be treated as undue and unjust. Taking a call on who is right or wrong in such cases is never easy, especially if the words do not match intent (as is the case many times) or if the intent (and the words) crosses the line.

The next question, of course, is how does the problem get solved. One of the things that such a situation leads to, undoubtedly, is frustration all around. The proponent is frustrated because he/she is concerned about the way things are going on and wants to put across his/her point of view (albeit a bit too strongly in some cases) about how the situation can be changed. The recipient is frustrated becase he/she can not accept someone else taking over his/her life and feels suffocated with the entire undermining masquerading as advice (albeit being extra-sensitive and over-reacting in some cases).

It does require more than some ordinary common sense and maturity to solve this and unless both parties put their palms together, there is no clap that is going to be heard. While it becomes important for the recipient to don the forgiving hat and look benignly at the well-wishing intent behind the whole thing, it is equally, if not more, important for the proponent to realize that it is not just the intent that is important but the way things are communicated can completely change the context and make even a good thing appear bad in a space of minutes.

What this translates practically into is that the proponent, while expressing concern and wishing that things were done in a different manner, needs to exercise restraint and know when and how to put things forward based on how sensitive the recipient is. Similarly, the recipient needs to give out a longer rope than normal and yet communicate his/her take on the situation in very clear and unambiguos terms.

Unless such situations are treated in a mature manner (and I may be doing the mistake of wanting things to be done a certain way myself by saying this), emotional volatility can often take an exponential upswing and grievously reduce the chances of happy and peaceful co-existence for both the proponent and the recipient.