Thinking aloud

The word is finally out and I am not getting any scholarship for the international exchange that I am set to go for in the next term. I called up home and started analyzing the pros and cons of going, missing laterals, spending one and a half lakh of rupees...kept on hinting at not wanting to go till my mother shouted me shut. She was flustered to say the least. Probably, she was comparing this occasion to the Stanford MS call that I had to reject after my engineering due to the moolah problem. Much that I wanted to persuade her that it is not the money (ok, not the money alone) this time, she did not want to hear anything on the topic...all I can say now after I spent one whole night and part of a day thinking over the conversation is...I love you, Maa.

Amongst other things, I am being pressed down by the idea that I am becoming less of a team player with every passing day. Although I still feel that I am capable of performing the toughest of tasks at an individual level any given day, I am finding it difficult to concentrate on anything once I am in a group of say, more than three people. Cut to the conversation that I had a few nights ago with Aditya, I think it has something to do with the false sense of self-righteousness and I-am-holier-than-thou attitude that most of us (and my self in particular) generally suffer from. Cut to the meetings of Backwaters, project groups, even canteen tables, I am increasingly finding myself either all alone or in tune with at most, a couple of people...disturbing signs in deed.

My rank in class has been on a sliding pattern ever since the second term. From a top ten position in the first term to 22nd till the last one, to the current 38, the journey has not been any surprise...not to me, at least. I won't be honest if I say it has not been bothering me at all, but I always console myself by looking at what am I putting my time in (sleeping, watching movies, bitching and cribbing on this blog, Kdio, Konnect, Backwaters) and hoping against hope that these things are what will add more value to my future than the rank. Of course, this assumes necessarily that I indulge into the other activities with full passion and enthusiasm which is as far from the truth as can be, especially in the current scenario (refer previous paragraph).

I have been sleeping like a log for the past few days. It is not lack of classes or work to do...I have quite a lot on my hands and it is not as if I am sick or anything but I just am getting too lazy to even want to get up. Even spelling the word Lethargy is taking so much time for me that it seems I would be better off implementing the stuff (and contributing to what I mentioned in the paragraph above).

Hmm...guess this is quite enough as far as cribbing for the day is concerned. In other news, Campus Monitor 24X7 is set to be re-launched shortly and I am sure that the new team will find some good masala to entertain us all. The marketing interest group at IIMK, Mpower is coming up with a high profile seminar of Marketing Gurus, called Synapse this weekend. It promises to be one interesting affair, considering the popular appeal that marketing holds for so many of us. There are some really big names lined up for the event and I will definitely try to come out with a full report on the happenings shortly after the weekend.