Getting out of the dumps...

Konica, are you still sileeping???
K naat, can you do this problem???
Aubheejeeet, haaaain, please tell the solution to the class, why are you shy???

All of us love him, all of us hate him. He is simple and cunning, absent-minded and a genius, stubborn and flexible, short-sighted and penetrative...he is Prof Gopal Chowdhry, easily one of the best brains in the institute, and easily one of the most hilarious teachers on campus.

After an entire half of the term, it was finally my turn today to be subjected to the oh-so-critical examination by Prof Gopal Chowdhry in the well of the class. Our group was the first and I was the first in the group (the second chosen one being Pavithra), on whom the lightning fell. And lightning it was, what with me not having read up anything at all about the case that was going to be discussed.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the first question he asked was put to me. The question was simple for a lot of people, he just wanted to know what the case was all about...but before you pass your judgement, try to be in the well answering questions when your answers are different from those Prof Chowdhry has in his own, well-hidden :-) answer sheet...or better still, try telling the facts about a five sentence case, even the first of which you have not read. People of my group who worked for the case, if you are reading this, I want to say to you that I am extremely sorry for being such a fool...honestly, I had thought the class to be at 2:30 and had left everything for the last moment, as I always do...I know that some of you might feel that I let their hard work down but believe me, this will not happen again...do I see some eyebrows going up??? Yeah, Ok, but the least I can do is try :-)

Hmm...while on the topic of the first question, as a part of my answer, I started reading from the slide that others in the group had prepared. All was going hunky-dory till I reached the point where I used one jargon (how could I resist that, the damn words were staring me right in the face!!!) and said that the sampling used was convenience sampling...haa haa, that did raise our beloved Prof's eyebrows and we had a full blown debate over the damn thing for about ten minutes which gave me enough time to go over not just the case, but our observations about the case, too. In the end, we actually managed to get a decent 4 out of 5 for the case...ok...ok, I know it's one mark less than the marks that two other groups got...please don't kill me for that, I have already promised...ah well, said...that I will do better the next time (not that he will call me again, but still, just in case...)

This entire episode actually turned out to be pretty good for my mood...somehow, I have been in the dumps for the past few days. I even missed the party on campus (first party I missed for a long long time...and that too, despite being one of the hosts) and spent the whole time sleeping in my room (a case of cough and cold alongwith a history of 3-4 nights with nominal sleep hours, did not help either). More than anything else, somehow, there has been a thought creeping in to my mind slowly but surely...too surely for my liking.

Why have I started feeling that I am becoming a major turn off for so many people? Out of such a large number of people that I have met in nearly two months here, I know very few people who would suffer me for a good amount of time. For most of the others, my company might be a necessary evil that they may endure for some time, but given a choice, they will definitely prefer to turn away from me and all that is mine.

I am not sure if what I am thinking is right and hence can not really analyse the reasons for that. However, still thinking...can't help it actually...is it the way I talk, do I appear to be a snob...is it, what I consider self-confidence, coming across as arrogance...is it, what I consider not being ridiculous, being seen as being excessively reserved...is my not raising my eyes and slapping the backs of everyone else, being understood to be my lack of willingness to mingle, my being distant???

How does it matter, some will say...yeah right, it does not matter...but is that the reason you write pages on the topic, speak hours on how you are different? If it is not important, what is the need to give the excuse...what is the need to justify your being different...isn't there something lacking that you seek to fill up through your silly statements like 'I am not like the others...I don't follow the herd mentality...I don't need a group to survive'?

On my part, I think that I can not make this mistake. I am pretty sure that on reflection, I will find...rather, I have found...that I do get into the dumps whenever these kind of things start getting in to my head...but then again, thank you, God that you made it possible for me to come out of those blues without much effort, and more than that, thank you God for making a Prof Gopal Chowdhry for actually putting that effort on my behalf and making me smile...